Harry Manilow’s Culinary Manifesto

Hello. It is I. Harry Manilow. Style icon. Community morale officer. Snack visionary. And the only creature in this household with an actual food philosophy. Because it is Monday, and Mondays demand structure, boundaries, and emotional clarity. Let me be extremely clear before the rumors swirl like kibble in a slow-motion commercial: I love the food from Zoomies & Purr. LOVE IT. Adore it. Cherish it. Write power ballads about it. I would defend it in court. But I will not — and I repeat — WILL NOT eat the same food two days in a row. I am not a barbarian. I am not a peasant. I am not here to live a life of repetitive meals and quiet acceptance. Somewhere along the way, I overheard my people whispering about “rotating proteins” and “how variety is good for digestion.” Now, did I hear this as a gentle nutritional guideline? No. I heard it as permission. I heard it as destiny. I heard it as, “Harry, you are meant to sample the full menu.” Monday? Badlands. I eat it like I just discovered fire, electricity, and the concept of joy — all at once. Life-changing. Transcendent. A strong start to the week. A bold opener. No notes. Tuesday? If you even suggest Badlands again, I stare at the bowl like it owes me money. My eyes say, “We had this yesterday.” My soul adds, “And I have grown since then.” Wednesday or Thursday? Ah yes. Badlands returns. A reunion tour. A surprise encore. Confetti. Standing ovation. Tears in the front row. You see, I require options. Not because I’m picky — don’t insult me. Because I am cultured. My people now live by The Rotation Schedule™. They open the pantry like nervous stagehands before a Broadway debut. Hands shaking. Breath held. “What are we feeling today, Harry?” And I respond by sniffing dramatically, turning in a slow circle, and making prolonged eye contact with the correct bag. Sometimes I sigh. Sometimes I walk away. Sometimes I come back 30 seconds later, because timing matters. Some dogs eat the same kibble every single day and say, “This is fine.” I am not that dog. I am the dog who said, “If variety is important… then let’s absolutely lose control with it.” Do I take rotation to the extreme? Yes. Do I cause mild panic at mealtime? Also yes. Do I regret a single moment? Absolutely not. Because at Zoomies & Purr, there are choices. And I intend to experience every single one of them — Just not consecutively. Never consecutively. That would be unhinged. Now if you’ll excuse me, It’s Monday, the week is young, the standards are high, And Badlands has been selected. Again. By law.