THE DAY HARRY MANILOW WAS OFFERED THE WRONG PUP CUP (A TRAGEDY IN SEVERAL ACTS)

Let me set the scene.

There I was — Harry Manilow.

Shop dog. Icon. Working professional. A creature of refined taste and emotional depth.

We pull up to that green-logo coffee place. You know the one. The one where humans order drinks that sound like Wi-Fi passwords.

The window opens. A cheerful voice says,

“Would your dog like a pup cup?”

I lean forward. Curious. Hopeful. Vulnerable.

Then I smell it.

Reader… I was offended.

Not harmed.

Not angry.

Just deeply, spiritually disappointed.

Because what was being offered to me was… how do I say this gently…

Budget foam.

Mystery fluff.

Vibes without credentials.

A whipped situation with no résumé.

I froze.

My ears slowly folded back like window blinds in a crime documentary.

My eyes said, “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

I glanced at my humans as if to say:

“Have I not WORKED?

Have I not LABORED?

Do I not EMPLOY at Zoomies & Purr??”

Because listen — when you work at Zoomies & Purr, you are exposed to standards.

You see ingredient panels.

You learn things.

You become… difficult.

I have tasted the GOOD pup cups.

The dog-safe ones.

The thoughtfully made ones.

The ones that don’t feel like they were whipped up during a caffeine emergency.

So I did what any dignified professional would do.

I refused.

Politely.

Firmly.

With the energy of a tiny Victorian child declining gruel.

I turned my head away.

I sighed.

I stared out the window like a dog who has seen too much.

Back at Zoomies & Purr, however?

Redemption.

There, waiting for me, was MY pup cup — the kind we carry for actual dogs with standards. I ate it dramatically. Slowly. With commentary. Possibly with applause.

And that’s when I remembered my purpose:

To protect the people.

To protect the pups.

To protect them from subpar foam.

So consider this your official notice:

🐾 You can get your dog’s proper pup cup at Zoomies & Purr

🐾 Made for dogs, not coffee accessories

🐾 Approved by me after intense sniff-based research

Bring your pup.

Let them live better.

Let them know they don’t have to settle.

And if you ever see me turn down a cup again, just know —

it’s not personal.

It’s standards.

With love, judgment, and whipped dignity,

Harry Manilow

Senior Quality Control Manager

Protector of Taste

Enemy of Questionable Foam