I wasn't breakdancing

 

It is I.
Harry Manilow.

Every afternoon, right after school lets out, my very favorite tiny humans arrive.

They are kind.

They are sweet.

They are punctual.

I wait for them by the window like a celebrity awaiting paparazzi—except the paparazzi bring backpacks and squeal my name.

One afternoon, during peak excitement, one of the girls pointed at me and yelled:

“HARRY MANILOW IS THE MOST TALENTED DOG I KNOW!

LOOK AT HIM BREAKDANCING!

I SAW THAT ON YOUTUBE!”

Friends.

I must clarify something immediately.

I was not breakdancing.

What I was doing… was scooting my behind across the floor.

A move that, while expressive, was never intended for public performance.

My human saw it instantly.

The joy left his eyes.

The dignity left the room.

I was promptly placed on Stop Scoot.

Within days, the scooting stopped.

My rear end healed.

My reputation stabilized.

A few afternoons later, the girls returned.

One looked at me with concern and asked:

“Harry… why don’t you breakdance anymore?”

I froze.

I looked at my human.

He saved my life.

He calmly said,

“Harry was just trying something new… and decided it wasn’t the best look for his brand.”

Correct.

Accurate.

Thank you.

Stop Scoot saved my rear end.

My human saved my dignity.

And I will never breakdance again.

Harry Manilow

Brand-Conscious. Rear-End Protected.